Sunday, 15 June 2008

I'm back!

A proper post will follow soon but, until then, here's something amusing (I thought so anyway)...

The Road to Enlightenment - The Teachings of Zen

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact just f*** off and leave me alone.

2. The darkest hour is just before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's milk, that's the time to do it.

3. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.

4. No one is listening until you fart.

5. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

14. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

15. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

16. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

17. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.


Tam said...

Welcome back!
And as always, you've made me smile :-)

Leatherdykeuk said...

Ha! Excellent.

HelenMH said...

Brilliant! Especially 7 and 9. And welcome back :)

A. Writer said...

Welcome back!!

Hee hee! That made me giggle! I love 4 and 9!

KAREN said...

Nice to have you back :o)

Such wise words, and so true! I like number 12.

Maddie Moon said...

Welcome back, Cal!

My fave is No. 13. Titter!

Leigh said...

Ha ha ha! I love these. Number one, I can relate to (I have a fridge magnet, which says: how can I miss you if you won't go away?). Nos 8 and 10 I particularly like too!
Hope you had a good time!

womagwriter said...

These are brill! Thanks for the laugh.